so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
