dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
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Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
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I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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