i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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