I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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