if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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