I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize