remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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