He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
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