Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize