Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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