you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
