So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
