I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
being pregnant is like rehab
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize