she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize