A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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