let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
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I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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