fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry about my life...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
