Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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