She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
