I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
