if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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