it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
