I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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