Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
