I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
