why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
