i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
