In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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