smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
