she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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