Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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