I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
