your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
