she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize