She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He did a backflip because drugs
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
