3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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