Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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