Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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