what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Randomize
