and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
