So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
