dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
