I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize