the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
this boner is exhausting
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
