Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We have started to decorate penises.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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