you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
