It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
