so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
