Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
