Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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