Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.