took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
