i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.