Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS