If i come over, it means nothing
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.