Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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