i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees