Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
