About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
