Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
