I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
