Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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