There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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