somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
