I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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