He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
