I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
tell me about the eggs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
