I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
