thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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