I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
