Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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