Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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