i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
