Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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