I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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