and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
