Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
