Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
