Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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