WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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