Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My feet surprised me
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