I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How's work?
Spinning.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
