Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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