You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
